If THIS isn't L.O.V.E tell me What IT is

Let me give you a vivid picture...
In March of 2003, I was in a very different time of my life. Growing up in a home with a struggling single mother and two sisters (1 older, 1 younger) wasn't very easy. I'm ever so gracious that I'm not here telling you a story of how I was sexual, mental, or physically abused. My mother was a very strict and protective parent.. Aka.. In the house before the street lights are on. We struggled as an African American family who was determined not to let the woes of life keep us from succeeding. Nevertheless, we made it. We all have people and situations in our lives that we have to be thankful for.
My sisters and I had our fair share of sibling rivalry, arguments, and stealing each others clothing (or boyfriend). My oldest sister started having children (4) at a young age (16). My mother began to focus her attention there. My little sister begin to lose interest in school and show her discontentment with my mother's decision to move us into a "better neighborhood", which meant changing schools. I, on the other hand, was dealing with an issue no one knew about.
On September 11, 2001, my world changed. Life as I knew it was different and would never be the same. After hearing about the terror attacks, a fear that I had no clue existed arose within me. A fear that I couldn't speak of before now. I felt like I was losing myself in the drama that took place in my family and I felt as if the country I took so much pride in had just been violated. 11 years later I have learned to concur my fears. I've learned my faith in God is nothing if I am fearful. I'm no super woman but I'm learning to pray for protection, salvation, and patience.
At the time when my self esteem was at an all time low, my families struggles had become too much for my mind to grasp, and the world had just thrown a curve ball at me, I met my her.
Fast forwarding to 2012. Kellie and I are still together and have made more progress together than we could have ever imagined. We listened to people tell us we didn't belong together. We fought tooth and nail to be in the same place. Now we have our own place. There hasn't been a time when I needed her to be there for me and she wasn't. I can't even say that for some of my own family members. Anytime I've been down about something, she jumps through hoops and over hurdles to make sure I am content. We share our thoughts, feelings and love for one another in a way that only we can truly understand. We spoil each other and cater to each others needs like nobody's business. I'm in good spirits because I am in a great place in my life. I'm not living a lavish life style, I don't have everything I want, heck I've gone without having something's need but I'm grateful. You always hear people say they wish they could have told someone how much they love them while they were alive. Well, Kellie and myself are alive and well and I want her to know that no matter what I do, where I am ( Heaven or earth) my love for her will always remain. I love her whole heartedly and cannot wait to turn our dreams into a reality.

What did you sacrifice for Lent?

What have you given up? What sacrifices have you shown Our Savior you can make in order to receive His blessings? Well, I've given up social network sites. I decided to give up the thing I love most to show God that I'm worthy of His blessings and He is worthy of my praise. If you are anything like me, you wake up and check your phone before washing your face, before you clean up but most importantly before you even take a knee to thank the man above. How selfish of me. How selfish of you. I'm no frequent church go-er and I don't claim to know everything about the bible, but I do know that my love for God surpasses ALL else in my life and He certainly deserve praise. I didn't tell my Facebook friends, or my Twitter and Instagram followers that I would be absent from their timelines filled with Chris Brown and Rihanna drama, hateful messages toward Whitney Houston's life & death, and the never ending cat brawls on reality shows. I'm sure I won't be missed as much as I'd like to think but I'm okay with that. My only hope is even if you don't take part in Lent this year, choose other days or times that you want to make sacrifices. It's between you and the Lord. No need to brag, boost or talk about it. Just do it. Feel good about it.
•It's Not About You & I. It's about Jesus•

:) Living :)

What if this life, is ALL that we are given? We just cant stop living, scared of what you'll see. Cause in this world anything can hurt you, push you and forget you. This is the hook of a Jennifer Hudson song that I fell in love with after hearing her sing it while streaming live. The name of the song is I Remember Me. The reason I fell in love after hearing this song for the first time was because she was able to put MY own thoughts into words. She talks about the person she was before and the person she is now... how she was changed by pain and forgetting to remember herself. I have lost myself somewhere along the way and Im learning to pick up the pieces. When I say I lost myself, I mean that I forgot to remember ME. I havent put myself or my happiness in front for a while now. The funny thing is, when you are use to putting yourself last you find yourself doing it without consideration. I've learned from my myself and I know that in this life YOU are the ONLY person that you need to worry about. Everyone else around you that depend on you will eventually find their place in life or fall behind. In any situation, whether the people you help live lavish life styles or parish will be totally left up to them. I am only willing to help those that I see are more than willing to help themselves.. and at this point in my life I am surrounded with individuals that are not ready to help themselves. SO, from here on out, its just God and I. Living.

Woo-Saaa

I told myself that I would take a deep breathe before I decide to display my anger in front of other people. I hate the fact that I allow other people to take me from 0 to 10 in .2 seconds. I have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit. I dont listen to people lies, I dont hang around people that dont have goals and I dont have patience for non-sense. When I was younger, I understood the "bullshit" conversations of adults and I always said I didnt want to be that way. I always said I didnt want to put myself in a position where I felt like I had to lie or misconceive someone. So now that I am an adult, I dont feel the need to lie about anything. I pay my own bills, everything I have I own, and I know that Im extremely blessed. With that being said, I dont feel the need to hang around people who aren't in my league. ;)

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Overwhelmed :/

It's such a horrible feeling knowing that you've done all you can and things still don't pan out. I've come to realize that no matter what I do, say, think our feel, there are somethings that I just can't change. I can't change the way my "significant other" and I argue day in and day out. Believe me, if I knew the remedy for it, I would have used it a long time ago. It's tiring and takes so much out of me mentally. It's overwhelming to be in such a hostile environment all the time. When we are not together all I think about is if she is okay, if she will make it home safe, will something horrible happen to her while we are having one of our down times, I think about holding her in my arms, and being romantic with her. All of these things and a thousand more thoughts run through my mind when we are not together. My love for her surpasses the love that I have for anyone else. (Except family of course) I say all of these things to say that I dont hate her. There are plenty of things that she does that drives me absolutely insane. She is unwilling or has not changed some of these things that were not present at the beginning of our relationship. There are also things that she does that makes me smile. I understand and except that our relationship will never be what it was at the beginning because we are in different mind frames and we have both changed. Ive changed more so from all things that I've experienced during the time that we have been together. I've also changed because of the negativity coming from this relationship. It has made me re-evaluate myself over and over again in attempt to figure what it is that I've been doing wrong. I know there are times where I can keep mouth closed or avoid arguments but I dont. I always have to let it be known how I really feel. Outspoken at the least.! Im not proud of it. I just wish there had been a way for us to come to a happy medium. I use "had" because I can no long allow this thing to hold me down. I have to move on from this. Clear my mind and make room for greater opportunities.

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♥ Im Winning ♥

I can remember countless situations and countless days when I wanted to give up. Not because Im a quitter or because Im lazy.. Well maybe me being semi-lazy does have something to do with it. Honestly, the main reason why I feel this way at times is because I always try to take on too much. I have a full load; 40 work hours and 15 credit hours at school, keeping my house neat and tidy, making sure that myself and others around me are taken care of among other things. It can be very overwhelming at times especially when something goes unplanned. Even through all the negativity, people telling me that I won't make it, people using the fact that Im gay to upset or question my authority, I still smile. Sometimes its hard to hold your head high when there are so many negative people and negative things around. God has blessed me with wisdom to use this negativity as my motivation. I have worked so hard to achieve the things that I have achieved within this last year. I have my own place, my own car, nice job, a supportive sister and a loveable girlfriend. Im blessed by the best and because of that IM WINNING.! ♥

??Relationships??

Life has its funny little way of showing you thing. I know, I know.. This saying is so cliche but its true. When you are at a point where you feel like just maybe I have some stablity, something comes again and show you different. Well more like someone. Its like having your own plans and then God shows you what He actually intended for you. My initial instinct is always to become angry or enraged But then I remember that my book is already written. I cant get mad at that. I just
:). My relationship with my love has been a wonderful journey. We've taught each other so much. We've learned even more from each other. Honesty, trust, committment, preserverance, tolerance and compromising dont come easy.! Trust me, I know first hand. I just wonder why its so hard to form neutral relationships with the people we love the most...

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