Overwhelmed :/

It's such a horrible feeling knowing that you've done all you can and things still don't pan out. I've come to realize that no matter what I do, say, think our feel, there are somethings that I just can't change. I can't change the way my "significant other" and I argue day in and day out. Believe me, if I knew the remedy for it, I would have used it a long time ago. It's tiring and takes so much out of me mentally. It's overwhelming to be in such a hostile environment all the time. When we are not together all I think about is if she is okay, if she will make it home safe, will something horrible happen to her while we are having one of our down times, I think about holding her in my arms, and being romantic with her. All of these things and a thousand more thoughts run through my mind when we are not together. My love for her surpasses the love that I have for anyone else. (Except family of course) I say all of these things to say that I dont hate her. There are plenty of things that she does that drives me absolutely insane. She is unwilling or has not changed some of these things that were not present at the beginning of our relationship. There are also things that she does that makes me smile. I understand and except that our relationship will never be what it was at the beginning because we are in different mind frames and we have both changed. Ive changed more so from all things that I've experienced during the time that we have been together. I've also changed because of the negativity coming from this relationship. It has made me re-evaluate myself over and over again in attempt to figure what it is that I've been doing wrong. I know there are times where I can keep mouth closed or avoid arguments but I dont. I always have to let it be known how I really feel. Outspoken at the least.! Im not proud of it. I just wish there had been a way for us to come to a happy medium. I use "had" because I can no long allow this thing to hold me down. I have to move on from this. Clear my mind and make room for greater opportunities.

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